it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you win again, gameday.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
