I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
