i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
