next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
