I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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