i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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