i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
