Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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