In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize