on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
