I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
