oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
