Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
