You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
