I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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