I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
