that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
