i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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