i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
