Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
