So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
