he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
