we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
