Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Are my feet made of real feet?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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