I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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