So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
