just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
