Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
