a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
