i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
