i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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