That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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