Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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