also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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