We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
