I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
