the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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