I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
