I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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