In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
