so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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