I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
