I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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