through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
