Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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