My pussy is not your playground.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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