Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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