i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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