When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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