I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
