just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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