my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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