if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
