When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he wants to bone in the snuggie
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
