I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
