Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
being pregnant is like rehab
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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