no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
