Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
