if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
