Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
