I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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