he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
