I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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