cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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