I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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