Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
