Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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