just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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