Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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