after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
