I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
