I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
zippers are such a cool invention
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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