So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
