I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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