I faked an abortion last night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
