He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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