Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
