i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
