Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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