Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
