I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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