dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
