So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
