I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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